I was having lunch with a friend recently, and he quoted something. “I’m not where I need to be, but thank God I’m not where I used to be”.
That got me thinking. My mind is full of the future, of shoots which turn to chasms of doubt when I pull them up and examine the roots. And it’s to do with my life not feeling like ‘enough’. I haven’t graduated, I don’t know what I’ll do, where E-B will go to school, if we’ll ever own a home, if I’ll ever get past this stuckness, this waiting time.
It’s so easy to take Jesus for granted.
I overlook the cross which weds me to life, to a love so deep it takes the one who spits in its face and says You are mine.
“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus” Philippians 4:19.
He, who made the world by His word, came down and washed the dust off his disciples’ feet.
He calls me, “Daughter”, looks at my chains only to break them.
As our Pastor once said, Jesus takes the time to comfort His disciples before His death. He explains them their salvation before He goes to the cross. As though it were not enough to be pierced through for us, He guides our hands over and over to the motion of the fact that we are free, adored, guiltless.
“I have given them the glory that You gave me, so that they may be one as we are one – I in them and You in me – that they may be perfectly united, so that the world may know that You sent me and have loved them just as you have loved me”. John 17: 22-24.
God loves us as much as He loves His Son. Fortunate is the one who remembers it, who lives by such love.
God made the cross to be enough. And as much as I’m sure He’ll bless me (at the right time) with the things I’ve been fretting over: job, home, garden etc., I will never be more loved and more blessed by the wounds Jesus willingly received so that I might have life and life in abundance (John 10:10). And that doesn’t mean things, as much as I mistakenly assume a life with Jesus could have add-ons. It doesn’t mean the perfect relationship with the man I’ll marry (no, instead God teaches me compassion, urges patience, shows me the selfless love of Jesus in the context of my relationship – not that I don’t fall short!), it’s not an income which shows I’ve ‘made it’ (no, I’m already made enough in the identity God has given me, an astonishing wealth of love, unchangeable in the face of anything I might do or be. I could never be richer than this).
God doesn’t give us more than the cross, because there couldn’t be more than the cross. Have you noticed that if you get too hung up on a blessing God gives you (be that an achievement, intelligence, a project you throw yourself into) and forget about God Himself and His immense love for us, things go a bit downhill? It’s living only a part of yourself, forgetting the wholeness that God decrees for us, the fact that these talents and earthly joys take place in the context of an awesome and endless divine love.
So, that’s my prayer. That I would know and live my identity in Christ, that it be the sole subject of my life. The glorious riches of such an identity are enough for eternity.